Clarke's redemption
by TK7RO
Summary: After she left Camp Jaha Clarke seek for redemption. Who would have guessed she would only find it in Lexa's arms...


**Author's note:** So, after all the emotions of the last three episodes of The 100's 2nd season (and as a Lexa/Clarke shipper) I needed to have some "closer" and something that could make me believe that Clexa was still possible. So, I decided to make a scenario where it could happen even if the real story don't go that way. I hope you'll enjoy it as much as I did writting it :). Please comment!

Alert: 2x14, 2x15 and 2x16 spoilers

P.S. - Since english it's not my first language, I apologize in advance for some mistakes you may find.

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************Chapter 1 - The wandering**************

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20 days had passed since the Mount Weather massacre.

20 days since she done something whose consequences she would carry on her shoulders for the rest of her life...

20 days since she decided not to go back to Camp Jaha.

It was too much. She couldn't face the ones she saved and be reminded everyday of what she did to get them out of there alive. She had no choice, she knows that, everybody does… but that doesn't change what she'd done. She tried to be "the good guy" but real life isn't that simple and it seemed that even when she was doing her best it wasn't good enough.

She made a choice that cost hundreds of lives and she will never forgive herself for that. But she'll have to learn how to live with it.

As she left Camp Jaha's gates, she wandered around the forest just feeling lost and not knowing where to go.

She found the place where she had been with Finn and decided to stay there for some days. She needed to think, to cry... to break. And she did. She cried until there where no more tears left, she felt to her knees, screamed at herself, she even hurt herself trying to ease the pain, but nothing helped... only time could give her some relieve and help to scar that wound.

After the 6th night falling asleep while crying she woke up different. Her heart felt like stone, her tears had dried out and, for the first time, she could think more clearly.

She stood up and decided to go back to Mount Weather willing to confront herself with the bodies of the ones she killed and bury every single one if she needed. This way, she thought, even if she didn't find forgiveness maybe, somehow, she could at least redeem herself.

So, after one entire day walking, she got there. However, there were no bodies left.

She looked around but couldn't understand how or who've moved them. The place was clean as if nothing ever happened… as if someone went before her and wanted to erase those horrible moments that took place a few nights before.

Nevertheless, that meant it wasn't safe for her to be there. So she left, and keep wanderer.

After some time she could review in her mind everything that happened. Everything since she came to the Earth... The troubled start with the 100, the lives lost in the Ark trying to get to the ground, the fight with the Grounders, Finn's death, the alliance with the Grounders, Lexa, their kiss, her betrayal... the moment she abandoned her... It hurt so much...! She felt her heart being torn out of her chest and didn't understand why. She knew Lexa. She knew she would do anything to save her people but why it had to be like that? Why? Why didn't she come back? Why did she leave her completely alone? Didn't she care?

Deep down, Clarke knew Lexa cared about her... those words "_not everyone, not you_", their soft tender kiss... the way Lexa looked at her... they weren't lies... "_I made this choice with my head, not my heart_" she remembered the Commander saying. Could this mean that she, Clarke, was her heart?

During the past days she could only remember all those moments with anger and despair, but now they just carried sadness and a deep sense of "what if?"...

Only now, after almost three weeks, looking at the crackling fire she could start to understand... Lexa did betrayed her. But who was her, Clarke, to judge? Lexa left her and the Sky people but managed to save everyone of their people without fighting, without killing, without losing anyone. And her? To save the ones she cared about, she murdered a whole nation... including children and the ones who helped them... how could she lived with herself? How could she judge Lexa after what she, Clarke, had done? How could...

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted as she felt someone's presence.

"Who's there? Reveal yourself!" she shout as she took her gun out of her belt. No one showed, but she was sure someone was there. Her attention landed on a tree some feet away and she managed to attract the one who was following her, trick him, making him fell on his knees and pointed the gun on his back.

"Put your hands on your head and turn around slowly" she said carefully. His body was strong, his face was covered with tattoos and his eyes were ones of a warrior. Clarke immediately identified him as one of the Grounders. "Who are you? Why were you spying on me?" he didn't answered. "I know you can talk english... all of your warriors can. _Tell me_: what's your name?" she said forcing the gun into his chest.

"Tendrick" he said.

"Ok Tendrick, what are you doing here?" she said with caution.

The truth was since Lexa and the Grounders left the battle camp the alliance was broke. She didn't know anymore if they were in peace with each other or back at war once again. Knowing their Commander, she couldn't believe they were sent to harm the Sky people, but she needed to be careful.

"I mean you no harm" he answered.

"Then why were you watching me?"

"I was send to protect you. To be sure no one would hurt you".

"Who sent you?" she asked already knowing the answer.

"The Commander" he said looking into her eyes. Her heart felt a beat. "She does care", she thought. And he continued "After she knew what happened in Mount Weather she looked for you and sent some of her best warriors to be sure you'd be alright. I was the one who stand at Mount Weather in case you showed up. And you did."

Now everything made sense... Could Lexa told her soldiers to clean up the mess she made guessing that probably Clarke would come back to that place and suffer even more by seeing all those lifeless bodies? Could Lexa have done all this just to protect her?... To prevent her, Clarke, to hurt herself possessed by the guilt?

"So you've been following me since then?" she said directing herself again to the soldier trying to hide her thoughts. He didn't answered. "Take me to your Commander".

The night was falling, but even in the dark, the Ground warriors knew the forest very well, so with Tendrick's guidance they wouldn't need more than a few hours to get to the Capitol.

Most of the time none of them shared a word. And Clarke's heart beat more intensely as they approached the camp.

What would she say when she saw Lexa? How would she react with her just invading her camp like this?

And so they arrived.

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************Chapter 2 - The redemption**************

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Even in the dark her presence was short noticed. "The Sky Princess", she heard some of them saying. Normally, they would react against some stranger invading their camp. But this was no stranger. Clarke had conquered their respect when they fought together.

"I wish to see your Commander", she said and quickly a Grounder boy took her the message "the Commander will receive you. Come with me".

She followed the boy who seemed to be 11 or 12 years old at most, into a great tent she immediately recognized as Lexa's. But she wasn't there. "You shall wait here. The Commander will be here in a minute".

Her heart was beating hard, she felt more anxious than ever and her body was shaking uncontrollably.

The boy admired her curiously. "Was this the princess his Commander once talked about? As the one who saved her life and the one she betrayed to save the life of her people? She did seem like a princess... a beautiful sad one".

"You can go now, Damius."

Her heart felt another beat... Clarke would recognize that voice wherever she went or even after a million years. The boy went away and as she turned around, there she was... her eyes covered with a painted black mask, her voice cautious trying not to show any emotion and the splendor of her majesty, worthy of a true leader.

"You wanted to see me, Clarke of the Sky people?"

She tried to say something in response but the words didn't come out. Everything she thought she could say vanished away. She hesitated... she wanted to say so many things but nothing seemed to get out. Her chest was filled with mixed feelings... an urge and relief for seeing Lexa again and a deep pain reviving her betrayal and her last words "_may we meet again_".

So she said the only thing she could… that question that tortured her all this time "Why did you leave me?" Her eyes filled with tears she tried to contain "Why did you abandon me when I needed you the most?"

Lexa was better than anyone she knew in hiding her feelings, but Clarke could see right through her and she could swear she saw Lexa's eyes filling with pain and sorrow when she mentioned that hurtful moment.

"I did whatever I needed to save my people." she said coldly.

"But, why did you left me like that?Why?... Do you know how much it hurt?! I trusted you, Lexa! I thought... I thought you did care about me..."

"I do... care about you, Clarke…" she said slowly, swallowing with difficulty as she seemed to have a big node in her throat "more than my own life".

"Liar!" Clarke shout back in anger "How dare you lie to me saying you care more for me than for yourself when you did what you did to me!?"

Lexa couldn't hold herself any longer… she approached with her intimidating look returning in anger "Do you think it didn't hurt me as well? Knowing you'd never understand what I did and you'd hate me for the rest of your life? Knowing I would lose you forever? Do you really think I'd leave you if I had another choice?" a single tear roll down Lexa's eye blurring her paint "When I left you there, a part of me died".

"Then why didn't you come for me?" Clarke said feeling her heart tight as if an invisible hand was struggling it. And even when she thought she couldn't cry anymore, her tears started rolling freely from her eyes.

"I did. But when I come for you, you weren't there anymore. Mount Weather had been destroyed, you weren't in the Sky people's camp and I..." she struggled to look Clarke in the eyes as she added "I knew you hated me and would never want to see me again".

"I did hate you... But then I realized I couldn't judged your decision." she said toning her voice down and looking away to the ground in shame "Not after what I did".

"You did what you had to do. You're a leader and that..."

"I'm not a leader!" she interrupted sharply "stop saying I was meant to be a leader! I don't want to... I'm not you, Lexa...! Can't you see? Don't you understand? I'm... I'm a murderer... I'm a monster!" and she burst into tears.

Clarke's head revived the moment she saw her mother being tortured and her friends suffering through the camera... she had no choice, but she couldn't live with herself, not like this.

And as Lexa looked at Clarke it hit her "Clarke didn't need a justification for her own actions, she needed to be comforted, she needed to feel accepted even after what she did, she needed to feel loved…"

Lexa's heart melted as she approach her hand touching Clarke's face softly lifting her head and looking into her eyes.

"You're not a monster. Not to me... You're the one who showed me that life _can_ and _should_ be about more then just surviving... You're the one who makes me want more than just surviving... the one my heart desires the most. You're my weakness, Clarke."

She could feel the despair in Lexa's eyes, the truth of every word she said. She stopped hiding her feelings and just told her how she felt… how much she loved her. Lexa didn't see her as a monster, she saw her as a human... a human who had to make hard decisions... but still a human… and suddenly that was enough to calm her pain, to help that deep wound start healing. After all maybe she wasn't a monster... at least not at her lover's eyes. And even if she was a murderer, Lexa loved her anyway... she could be loved.

Clarke felt Lexa's warm breath close to her face, her eyes holding back the tears... and Clarke kissed her... not holding herself as she did the first time. Lexa loved her and she loved her too. She allowed herself to taste the flavour of Lexa's soft lips, pulled her closer and felt Lexa's warm and protector embrace.

"Don't leave me, again, Lexa" she said placing her head in the Commander's shoulder while still crying.

"Never" she said honestly placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. "You made me realise that just because I'm the Commander I can't deny my feelings, at least not the ones towards you. I will never leave you again, Clarke. I promise".

They kissed again. Their lips lost in each other's, their arms pulling their bodies closer as if they want to merge in one and never let go again.

Clarke had never experienced something like this. The pain, the relief, the desire, the happiness and the despair filling her chest at the same time as the kiss intensify and their tongues touched in perfect synchrony.

She broke the kiss for a few moments separating their lips just the absolutely necessary to say those words...

"Make love to me, Lexa"

Lexa imagined this scene over and over again in her head believing it would never happen... But even with everything that had be said and done, this couldn't be more perfect than any other scene she imagined.

"Are you sure?" she asked remembering the first time they kissed when Clarke said she wasn't ready.

Clarke needed to feel loved, desired, touched... "I've never been so sure of anything in my entire life... I want you, Lexa... I need you..."

Lexa picked Clarke in her arms and gently landed her in the bed.

Placing kisses on the neck and ear, Lexa took Clarke's jacket along with her blouse, while Clarke started to undress Lexa's clothes as well.

Lexa kissed her again in the mouth as she took Clarke's bra and throw it into the amount of clothes forming on the ground. "You are so perfect..." the Commander said admiring that body underneath her.

Lexa touched her breasts softly and kissed them slow to Clarke's moans as she pressed her lover's head gently towards her chest.

Clarke's body was perfect... warm and soft... trembling as she touched her skin gently and kissed her chest down her belly and unbuttoned her jeans, placing a soft kiss on the new discovered area.

She took Clarke's pants along with her ones and layed on top of her lover's body rubbing their heated corps against each other.

As she went back kissing her princess' mouth she heard her whisper "touch me, Lexa".

She downed her hand into Clarke's underwear slowly, feeling her warm wetness, touching and exploring her intimacy. Nothing could give her more pleasure than hear Clarke's moans becoming more intense to her ears and her breath hardening against her neck.

Clarke's legs entwined in her torso... Her hips moving desperately to the feeling of Lexa's touch.

"I want to feel you inside me Lexa, please".

She did it. First really slow, then a little faster as her fingers penetrating her lover made Clarke's body contract with pleasure as a foretaste of what was yet to come.

Just a few seconds later Clarke felt herself get to the climax wishing that pleasure never ended and moaning intensely as she scratched Lexa's back.

As Clarke tried to catch her breath again, Lexa hold her in her arms desiring never to let her go again.

And Clarke felt loved... she felt desired, she felt pleasure, she found protection... in the end, maybe she had found the redemption she seek in Lexa's arms.


End file.
